Frozen in fear

I am literally afraid of my own words. For eight months now I have been writing a novel which I already love, which I believe in and which, every time I explain the premise, is met with expressions of ‘cool’ and ‘that sounds awesome’. I have already written over 40,000 words of said book. But now I am afraid.

I have reached what I consider the home stretch. 10 chapters, approximately 15,000 words left. What I thought would be the easiest part. After all, I’ve already decided on everyone’s fates and written the last page. But for some reason, every time I come to sit down and write, I cannot put a single word on the page. I have three story lines running side by side, and I have nothing to write for any of them.

As I said, I believe in this book. I strongly believe that if I can get the damn thing finished and sent out there, there is a publisher who will want it. It’s fresh, it’s funny. I know I’m sounding a little big-headed here, but this is all based on feedback I’ve already received from the concept.

But how to get past this? I have already given myself almost two months away from the manuscript to think on it. I know what’s going to happen. I know who will and won’t make it to the end, I know who marries who and I know (vaguely) some of the conversations that need to happen. What I don’t know is why I’m so afraid.

Perhaps it’s the thought that once it’s finished, I have no choice but to send it out there for people to actually read. I’ll have feedback and criticisms that I’ll have to take on board. There will be moments and scenes that will have to be cut because people won’t see the relevance that I do in them. I know this, it’s something I’ve been fully aware of since I started writing the book. But it doesn’t explain why I’m so nervous to write even the first draft.

I know I will have to struggle through, get something on the page that I can mould and change and work with. But it’s so bloody hard right now! So if anyone can give me any tips on how to get through this, please do. I’m at the end of my tether.

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