You Not You (a sort of poem)

I am horribly, mournfully, soul-wrenchingly aware that I haven’t posted anything on here in a very long time.  This upsets and frustrates me but NaNoWriMo is slowly taking over my life.  Combine that with university, writing for a million different publications and spending the weekend with my family for various celebrations I have decided there just aren’t enough hours in the day.  So today I dig deep into the vaults and give to you all a sort of poem, which I like to call You Not You.

I saw you walking down the street today.
At least, I think it was you.
He might have been a bit too tall, with curlier hair and cleaner shoes.
I didn’t see his face but I felt his smile.
It was the same lemon flavoured, Thursday afternoon kind of smile that you always give me in the car park at five o’clock when we’re both too tired to talk.
And I didn’t hear his voice but I knew he would be singing American sitcom theme tunes completely out of tune with the wrong words if we weren’t, you know, in the middle of the street.
The stride may have been yours.
I took two steps to every one of his and found myself watching my feet and depending on you not you to tell me when to cross the street.
He wore some twisted chinos that you wouldn’t be caught dead in but I just thought that maybe someone had bought them for a gift and you hadn’t the heart to be rude so wore them regardless.
You not you are so cute!
That little flick of your curls that you don’t do made me melt a little, especially when we waited for the lights to change and the wind kept blowing your hair in your eyes.
And the way you not you bit your nails but kept stopping yourself because you’re obviously trying to quit.
I was so busy following you not you that I found myself in the newsagents I always avoid because the guy behind the counter always winks and calls me ‘darling’ in a voice that brings to mind Hannibal Lecter and fava beans and a glass of Chianti.
We reached for the same Red Bull and you not you smiled your lemon flavoured smile except now it was more coconut flavoured.
And you not you stepped back and bowed your head in a ‘go ahead’ kind of gesture and turned instead to the Relentless.
Thinking about it perhaps he was too polite to be you.
And more well dressed than I’ve ever seen you even when we had that fancy dinner and you tried to wear a tux but you didn’t realise the stains that were on your jacket.
He wore a shirt and tie and his top button was done up in a way you always complain about because it pinches your neck and makes you feel like you’re being strangled.
Instead of a stack of comics and sports magazines he carried a leather bound hardback copy of Doctor Faustus and I know that’s not your kind of thing because it’s fancy and pretentious and no one reads that kind of shit any more.
Except you not you.

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